I, for one, absolutely love hugs. I love to give them and I love to receive them and I'll basically hug anything or anyone that moves! However, consent is (rightly so) a big topic of discussion for many parents, nannies and schools at the moment. We are all united in wanting to raise our children to have the confidence to say no and to understand that when they say no to someone touching them, it's respected and yet, the statement “Give Grandma and Grandpa a hug good-bye!” will roll instinctively off the tongue for many this Christmas. And perhaps it's something that we can give a little thought too...

When we give children a direction, like, “pick up the toys” We are implying that there may be a negative consequence if they don't.

So when we're telling a child to ‘give them a hug’ we are implying that there may both be negative consequences if they don't and / or that it doesn't matter if they feel uncomfortable about hugging this person, they must show affection anyway.

What happens when we do this is that we are subconsciously telling a child that they are not in control of their own bodies, which can be a really dangerous message. it's absolutely not our intention when we say 'give Granny a hug' but it is a simple thing that may have a greater impact.

We want to raise our children to have the confidence to say no to something if asked by someone predatory that they don't feel comfortable with and it's shown that a child who has been taught, "It's your body and you get to say no to things you don't want to do," is more likely to be able to say no than a child who has been told they must show affection.

Let's face it - many of us worry that if a child doesn't give someone a hug it will be perceived as rude and we catch ourselves muttering things like "But Auntie Jo only visits once a year. The least you could do is give her a hug goodbye!” But there are ways to navigate this:

Ask the child the question when the person is leaving. “Would you like to give Uncle Billy a hug before he leaves?”
If it's a YES then rock on with the hug!
If it's a NO then these are our top 3 alternatives:
1. Fist pump
2. High Five
3. Wave as madly and outrageously as you can from the driveway

Consent is something we need to think about and this is a simple thing we can try. I'd love to know what you think!